Ineffective Equities Traders Now Managing Steelhead Populations

Many previous hedge fund managers and commodity traders booted from the industry have found new hope in applying their previous ignominious talents as steelhead fishery managers. Ignoring the principles of price-to-earnings ratios, dollar-cost averaging, as well as basic supply and demand, “we can continue a portfolio of relentless continuing harvests of wild steelhead as means to cater to certain clients, “explained Wendy Buffet (a second cousin, twice removed … maybe three times removed … from Warren) in a recent interview. “Driving these fish stocks down is actually straightforward and very rewarding,” Buffet mused, who is no longer nagged by the demands of understanding complicated derivative instruments but gets hefty commissions from fishing license sales and other industry kickbacks in several states. When asked about the implications of driving the populations to the point of requiring an ESA listing, she shrugged and offered, “no big deal, as long as the SEC is not involved!” Further questions regarding the ecological ramifications of this approach, Buffet quipped, “ecology, skemology – those are dollar bills swimming up the river!” Buffet quickly added that “If the fish get too scarce, we just push to crank up hatchery output – our version of quantitative easing!”

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