Supplements to Pump Up Those Wimpy Hatchery Steelhead

Inspired by research at Oregon State University that suggests that it may be possible to change rearing methods to produce hatchery steelhead that are more like wild steelhead, hatchery managers in Oregon hope to use improved diets, strength training, and ample doses of supplements to make poor surviving hatchery steelhead more like wild fish.  Hatchery managers Hanz Appenzeller and Franz von Trapp have been frustrated for decades by the poor performance of hatchery fish compared to their wild counterparts, exclaiming “ya, ya, we need to help these poor little girly-fish to get big and strong – we need to pump them up!” Despite years of touted improvements from the famous Oregon Moist Pellet, that both Hanz and Franz now admit “just made for fat, lazy, girly-fish … total losers, compared to those manly wild steelhead!”

Neither Hanz nor Franz would confirm or deny the use of performance-enhancing steroids in their new hatchery enhancement program but were quick to add, “Our goal is simple, to keep hatchery fish from becoming sissies, besides no one will be able to take urine samples from these animals that live in the water.”

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